Send in you jokes, below…

 

Leeze
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Hannah.
Hannah who?
(singing) Hannah partridge in a pear tree

Ralph
How does Christmas day end?
With a Y. Get it – Christmas D-a-Y!

Jaz
Who delivers Christmas presents to elephants?
Ele-phanta Claus

Loren
How do you measure presents from Father Christmas?
By the SANTA-metre!

Marinella
What does a Gingerbread Man sleep on?
A baking sheet!

Ebony
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked up in the sky?
Looks like rein, deer!’

Jemima
How many presents can Santa fit in an empty sack?
Only one – after that it’s not empty any more!

Barry
What did the grumpy sheep say on Christmas?
Baaaaa humbug

Tipene
What’s the best Christmas present of all?
A broken drum. Because you just can’t BEAT… a broken drum.

Ollie
What can you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinselitus

Jess
What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has no ‘L’… (singing) No-el, no-o-el…no-o el, no-el…

Rhhaya
What song do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells.

Alex
What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
Santa-pplause!

Arabella
What’s the first thing Santa’s elves learn in school?
The elf-abet!

Priya
What do you call Santa when he stops moving?
Santa PAUSE.

Charlotte say?
Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on Trade Me?
They were two DEER!

Cole
What’s the best food to take to a Christmas picnic at the beach.
A Sand-wich!

Rico
What name did Santas elves give him when they stopped off at the beach for a rest one Christmas Eve?
Sandy Claus!

Aroha
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Wayne.
Wayne who?
(singing) WAYNE in a Manger…no-o crib for a bed…

THE JOKES ARCHIVEJOKESTAR
What did the finger say to the thumb?
I'm in glove with you!
Patrick
Why is Peter Pan flying all the time?
He Neverlands!
Miriam
What do you call a tiger that drinks lemonade?
A sour puss!
Sinead
Why did the cat sit on the computer?
Because it was a laptop
Linley
Why did the man sleep with a ruler?
To see how long he slept
Elliot
Waiter, waiter, IÂ’m starving, will my hamburger be long?
No sir, it will be round like everybody else's.
Martin
What do you call an ape who likes pavlova?
A meringue-utan
Pedro
What kind of socks do Grizzly Bears wear?
None. Coz they always have BEAR feet!
Mason
What did the duck say after it bought lipstick?
Put it on my BILL
Hazel
WhatÂ’s big, has a trunk and likes peanuts?
Hmmmm, an Elephant?
No! An old oak tree with a squirrel in it
Carlos
What the frog said when he went to the library?
Read it, read it, reeeead it!
Trevor
What did the chicken say when she went to the library?
Booooooook, book book book book
Filamina
Why did the duck cross the road?
To show he wasn't chicken!
Brenna
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chickenÂ’s foot!
Leoniee
What do you call a gorilla with bananas in his ears?
Anything you like – he can’t hear you!
Alfie
What do you call a snake on a building site?
A boa constructor!
Willa
What is brown, furry and has twelve paws?
The Three Bears!
Manuia
What did the dentist say to Luke Skywalker?
Let the FLOSS be with you!
Benji
Why does Luke Skywalker sleep with the light on?
HeÂ’s afraid of the DARTH!
Benji
WhatÂ’s yellow and dangerous?
Shark-infested custard!
Pippa
What do you call an exploding monkey?
A Ba-BOOM!
Crew
Why did the mushroom leave the party?
Because there wasnÂ’t MUSH-ROOM
Alice
Why does a Brontosuarus have a loooooooong loooonng neck?
So he canÂ’t smell his stinky feet
Thomas
Knock Knock.
WhoÂ’s there?
Water.
Water who?
Water you doing telling jokes right now? DonÂ’t you have things to do?
Kayden
why was the number 9 afraid of the number 7?
Because 7, 8, 9!
Kirsten
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a centipede?
A walkie-talkie!
Samara
What restaurant did the robot go to?
Mega-BITES
Ivan
What do you call it when a Brontosaurus gets a soccer goal?
A dino-SCORE!
Ria
What do you get if you cross a fancy shop with an angry bull?
Something that CHARGES a lot
Sascha
Limerick: There once were two cats from Welly.
Each thought that was one cat too many.
So, they started to fight.
And to scratch and to bite.
Now, instead of two cats, there arenÂ’t any!
Isaac
Now, instead of two cats, there arenÂ’t any!Pheobe
What do you call Santa Claus at the beach?
Sandy Claus

SantaÂ’s Cat at the beach?
Sandy claws

What do you call SantaÂ’s dog at the beach?
Sandy paws
What's green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet, ribbit?
A mistle-toed
Daria
What is the favourite music of SantaÂ’s elves?
Rap music

What was SantaÂ’s favourite subject at school?
Christ-maths

What did the wise men say after they gave gold and frankincense?
But wait! ThereÂ’s myrrh!
Islisanne
A man had a shirt made of paper, pants made of paper, socks made of paper and a jacket made of paper? What was his name?Â’
Russell!

Why do cats always get what they want?
Because theyÂ’re very PURR-suasive!
Marlon
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom!
Vaana
What do you call cheese that isnÂ’t yours?
Nacho cheese!

Why did the starfish blush?
Because the seaÂ…weed!
Ariana
Why does a seagull fly over the sea?
Because if it flew over the bay weÂ’d have to call it a bay gull
Felicity
Why was the ocean upset?
It had crabs on itÂ’s bottom!
Donte
What has no eyes but watches the beach all day everyday.
The ocean – it seas everything!

What do you get if you cross paper with guacamole?
Avo-card-board!
Aria
WhoÂ’s an appleÂ’s favourite relative?
Granny Smith!
Arlo
Why did the man fall down the well?
He couldnÂ’t see THAT WELL!
Jasper
What kind of dog does a magician have?
A Labracadabrador!
Tamiti
What do you get when you put an i-phone in a blender?
APPLE juice
Ammi
What did the sea say to the beach?
Nothing – it just waved!
Erica
How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A one, a two, a one, two, three, four, hit itÂ… And then they have to change the light bulb again.
Anon
What's an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
Jessica
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Says.
Says who?
Says me!
Wiremu
What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
Sneakers
Marnie
What type of haircuts do bees get?
Buzz cuts!
Travis
Why did the unicorn want to go to intermediate school?
So he could get to wear a uni-form!
Shonay
Do you know why Cinderella wasn't very good at netball?
She kept running away from the ball.
Trevor
How can you tell if an elephant is under your bed?
Your nose will touch the ceiling.
Aunty Neecie
How come you don't see elephants hiding in trees!
Because they're so good at it!
Becky
Why does a Lion wear a furry coat? Because he'd look silly in a red plastic raincoat!Micha
What do you get if you cross a cow with a sheep, and a goat?
The milky baa kid
Carmen
Why did the teddy bear cross the road?
To show he wasn't chicken
Ivy
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Nobel.
Nobel who?
Nobel?that's why I knocked!
Bex
I know two digger drivers. Guess what their names are?
Doug. And Phil!
Elijah
How did the beauty school student do on her manicure test?
He NAILED it!
Danica
What's tall when it is young but short when it's old?
A candle!
Cody
Why did the star keep going to school? So it could get brighterErin
Where do the stars go to get their milk?
She Milky Way
Nelson
What star wears sunglasses?
A movie star! |
What do stars like to read?
COMET books!
Rayna
What is an astronauts favourite key on the keyboard?
The SPACE-bar!
Harlen
How do astronauts pay for their coffee?
With Star Bucks!
Tamati
How do you get clean in space?
In a meteor shower!
Paul
What channel should you watch if you want to laugh?
The comet-y channel
Marie
Why did the cow want to be an astronaut?
So she could visit the milky way.
Ope
Why did the star want to move?
He needed some space
Praneesh
Why did the dog do so well in school?
He was the teachers pet!
Taite
Why did the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.
Aaron
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby Mother's Day!
Macy
Why was the computer so smart?
It always listened to it's Motherboard!
Xavier
Why did the kid throw the butter out the window?
He wanted to see a butter? fly!
Tyler
Why do so many fish live in salt water?
Because PEPPER water would make them sneeze!
Yani
What kind of dog does a magician have?
A labracadabrador
Delilah
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Icy.
Icy who?
Icy you trying not to laugh at my knock-knock jokes
Hana
Who's there? Little old lady? Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn't know you could yodel!
Todd
How do you fix a broken tuba.
With a tuba (tube of) glue!
Andre
Why did the piano player bang his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear!
Tsanate
Why did the singer climb the ladder?
To reach the high notes!
Rilee
What makes muisc on your head?
A head band!
Lea
What do you call a cow that can play an insturment?
A Moooo-sician
Quinn
What music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music!
What kind of music to Egyptian mummies like?
Rap music.
What kind of music do rabbits like?
Hip Hop!
Bella
What types of songs do planetes sing?
Nep-tunes.
Everet
What is Beethoven's favourite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaaa
Brendan
What kind of scientist puts bubbles in lemonade?
A FIZZ-acist!
Bella
How do you start a teddy bear race? Ready.
TEDDY. Go!
Seb
What goes zzzzzub, zzzzub?
A bee flying backwards!
Asher
Why did the jelly wobble?
Because it saw the milkshake
Levi
Why can you never play a trick on a snake?
Because you can't pull its leg
Carla
What do you call the daughter of a hamburger?
Patty.
Marco
What do you call a bagel that can fly?
A plain bagel!
Phillipe
What is the Easter bunny's favourite saying?
Don't worry. Be HOPPY!
Anna
What do you call a line of bunnies hopping backwards?
A receding HARE-line!
Jordan
What's the difference between a heathy bunny and a clown bunny?
One is a fit bunny, and the other's a bit funny!
Tai
What do you call a transformer bunny?
HOP-tamus Prime!
Handrix
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a frog?
You get a bunny RIBBET
Clancy Family
What time is it when a hippo sits on your bed?
Time to get a new bed!
Matai
He asks What do you call a secret agent that lives in a detergent bottle?
Bubble 07
Levi
What is white and sits in a corner?
A naughty fridge
Rebecca
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna One, Anna Two?
Deon
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Alpaca.
Alpaca who?
AL-paca suitcase.
YOU see what time the train leaves
Thea
How did Thomas the Tank Engine get so good at his job?
Training. Lots of train-ing.
Emile
What does a triceratops sit on?
Its tricera-bottom.
Tanja
Where is the ocean the deepest?
On the bottom.
Tyson
Whyshould you never blame a dolphin for doing anything wrong?
Because they never do it on porpoise!
Get it? Porpoise is another name for dolphin. They never do it on purpose ? they never do it on porpoise!
Becca
What does a sea monster eat?
Fish and Ships!
What does a shark like to eat?
Peanut butter and jelly fish sandwiches!
What does every picnic at the beach have?
Sandwiches!
And... Man was taken to hospital after eating daffodil bulbs.
The doctors say he's recovering, and he'll be out in the Spring.
Raul
What do you call a dinosaur that knows a lot of words?
A thesaurus!
Ben
What goes (getting faster & faster) Black, White, Black-White, Black-White-Black?
A penguin rolling down a hill!
Freya!
A boy walks into a diary and asks for a pack of HELICOPTER flavoured chips.
The guy behind the counter says, ?sorry, we've only got PLANE!
Jordie
What do you call it when two mice share a piece of cheese.
A compro-MICE.
Arie
What's an astronaut's favourite chocolate?
A MARS bar...
Abergail
My dad calls his old track pants Lucy.
Because they've got loose elastic!
Bethany
What do you get if you cross a cow with a rabbit?
A hare in your milk!
Nathan
What game do you think an elephant plays in a phone box?
Squash!
Emery
What kind of tree can sit on your hand?
A palm tree of course!
Sacha
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?
A wooly jumper
Aemlia
Which superhero is the best at cricket?
BAT-man!
Tammy
Why wasn't Cinderella a good runner?
Because her COACH? was a pumpkin.
Olive
What do you call a dinosaur fart?
A blast from the past!!
Charlie
Why did the bird cross the park and the playground.
Because the bird was looking for a bush where she can build her nest and lay her eggs.
Rapture
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut!
Eliza
What's a kitten's favourite colour?
Purrrr-ple!
Ella
Why won't the calendar last long?
Because it's days are numbered!
Zac
Why did the cow cross the road?
Because he wanted to go to the... moooooooooooooovies
Jaan
What begins with a P and ends with a E and has a whole heap of letter in it?
A post office!
Patrick
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody Knows
Elliot
How do we know that the ocean is friendly?
It waves.
Krista
Didi you here about the Otter, Jin, that made a Great Escape?
It was otterly amazing!
Ahmid
Why did the tiger lose every game of cards?
Because he was playing with a cheetah!
Stevie
Why would you throw your watch out the window?
To watch time fly!
Eli
What has six legs, four eyes, two heads and a tail?
A man sitting on a donkey!
George
What's the difference between a tiger and a lion?
The tiger has the MANE part missing.
Emerson
What's gooey, yellow and smells like bananas?
Monkey Boogers
Anahera
What do you call dancing by the sink?
Tap dancing
Arama
What does a garden gnome do each day after school?
Their gnomework!
Jeremy
Why was the BROOM late to class?
It over-SWEPT!
Nikita
Knock knock. Who's there?
Boo. Boo Who? Don't cry ? it's just a joke!
Zara
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? 10!
10 tickles? get it? Tentacles?
Jordan
What is something you always get on your birthday, guaranteed?
A year older!
Paige
What present does a reindeer want for Christmas?
A Pony Sleigh Station!
Olive
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked up in the sky?
Looks like rein, deer!
Pryia
What do you call a snake on a building site?
A boa constructor!
Noah
Why are pirates good to have join you on Christmas Day.
They just Arrrrrrggggghhhh
Trevor
What do you call a small dog that sneezes a lot?
Achoo! Wa-wa!
Roco
His joke is what goes baaa baaaa, hooooooowl?
A wolf in sheeps clothing
Jacob
What do you call a snake on a building site?
A boa constructor!
Noah
A man was taken to hospital after eating daffodil bulbs?
The doctors say he's recovering, and he'll be out in the Spring.
Sia
What kind of underwear do monkeys wear?
Chimp-pantsies!
Eddie
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Isobel.
Isobel who?
Is a bell not working?
Harlyn
What do kittens like to eat?
MICE-cream...
Art
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A Bull-dozer!
Bodhi
What do you call a goose that's a giant!
Hu-mung-GOOSE
Elijah
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Tank.
Tank who?
You're welcome!
Tavita
What kind of snake would you find on a car?
A windscreen VIPER!
Leon
Which side of a goose has the most feathers?
The OUTside!
Archie
What's fast, loud and crunchy?
A Rocket CHIP!
Teegan
What exercise do sheep do every day to stay fit?
Zoom... Baa!
Felix
What fruit do sheep like?
Baaaaa-naaaaa-naaaaas!
Nate
What sound does a carrot make?
It goes SQWARK SQWARK ? a carrot is orange and sounds like a parrot. Carrot ? parrot, get it?
Ashleigh
Why did the teacher put on sunglasses?
Because her students were so bright!
Rawiri
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding HALF a worm!
Kara
Did you hear about the cat that tried cooking?
It was a cat-astrophe.
Malachi
How did the barber win the running race?
He took a SHORT-CUT!
Lexi
When does a hippopotamus go ?mooooo'?
When it's learning a new language!
Do you want to hear the secret joke about peanut butter?
Can't tell you. You might SPREAD it.
Ella
Why couldn't the pony neigh as loudly as the horses?
It had a sore throat and it was a... little horse!!!
Luka
What's the best thing to take to a picnic at the beach?
A sandwich!
Jessica & Craig
You know how the sea says hello to the beach?
It waves.
How does one beach say hello to another beach?
With a sandshake.
Sabina
Who always comes to a picnic but is never ever invited.
Ants!
Francis
Who's in charge of the school during the holidays.
The rulers
Maia
What time is it when a hippopotamus swings around on your washing line?
Time to get a new washing line!
Rebecca
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course not ? because houses can't jump!
Riyansh
How do you make a tissue dance...?
You put a little boogie in it.
Harpa
Which 3 letters of the alphabet make everything in the world move?
NRG
Trevor
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the UDDER side
Lily
If you had 5 potatoes in one hand and 5 kumara in the other hand what would you have?
You'd have massive hands
May
Where do trout keep their money?
The River Bank
Ella
What did the duck say after she bought some lipstick?
Put it on my BILL!
Fleur
Do you know what the first animal was in space?
The cow who jumped over the moon
Carter
How does a witch style her hair?
With scare-spray
Nerida
What kind of monster likes to dance?
The boogeyman.
Graham
What kind of mistake does a ghost make?
A boo-boo!
Martin
What's brown and sticky?
A stick
Maebh Lambarth
Why can't a bike stand up on its own?
Because it's TWO-TIRED
Gabriel
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Boo. Boo WHO?
Don't cry, it's just a joke!
Samantha
What do a fire truck and an elephant have in common?
They're both red... except for the elephant!
Jimmy
What do you call a flying policeman?
A heli-copper!
Clementine
What did Iron Man say to Ant man?
Stop bugging me!
Angus
What do you call a super hero for computers?
A Screen Saver
Archie
How do you stay warm in any room?
Go to the corner ? it's always 45 degrees!
Willow
Who's in charge of the school during the holidays?
The rulers
Miah
What time is it when a hippopotamus swings around on your washing line?
Time to get a new washing line!
Rebecca
A tomato mum crossed the road with her children.
A fast car was approaching.
Mum tomato shouted to her kids behind her, CATCH UP'! (Ketchup)
Esther
What is a kangaroos favourite Music?
Hip hop
Sasha
What's grey, dangerous and squirts jam at you?
A shark eating a jam donut
Billy
Who asks what time is it when an elephant sits on your couch?
Time to get a new couch
Jax
What makes a tree noisy?
Its bark!
Nadia
What kind of lunch do you eat at the beach?
A Sand-wich!
Jimmy
How do you have a party in space?
You planet! (Plan It)
Henry
What do you do if you see a spaceman?
You park your car, man
Travis
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rocket!
Saskia
What New Zealand building has the most storeys?
The library has the most STORIES
Nolan
What is always in front of you but can't be seen...?
The FUTURE!
Kiara
What kind of lunch do you eat at the beach?
A Sand-wich!
Elijah
A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd. She was frightened, it must be allowed. Soon a happy thought hit her. So to scare off the critter. She sat up in bed and meowed!Henry's Limerick
Why did the bubble cross the road?
To see his POP
Olive
What do you call a monkey with bananas in his ears?
Anything you like. He can't hear you
Ezra
Did you hear the one about the customer asking the waiter
?Waiter, will my hamburger be long??
The waiter said
?No sir, it will be round like everybody else's?
Dannica
Who asks what time is it when an elephant sits on your couch?
Time to get a new couch
Melody
Why did the jelly wobble?
Because it saw the milk-shake
Justin
Did you hear about the person dinning at the restaurant who said...
?Waiter, waiter there's a fly in my soup!?
and the waiter said:
?Don't worry sir that spider on your toast will soon get rid of it?
Gabriella
What's grey, dangerous and squirts jam at you?
A shark eating a jam donut
Elliot
What kind of bird can cook?
A Kookaburra
Nichola
Why did the woodworm ask for a table for one?
He was feeling peckish!
Mathias
Why did the duck cross the road?
It was looking for bread!
Rapture
What vegetables go best with Jacket Potatoes? Button Mushrooms! What happened to the wooden car with the wooden wheels and the wooden motor? It wooden go! And, what happened to the steel car with the steel wheel's and the steel motor? It steel wouldn't go!Helen
A circus performer named Brian. Once smiled as he rode on a lion. They came back from the ride. But with Brian inside. And the smile on the face of the lion!Logan's Limerick
There once was a man from Peru. Who dreamt that he swallowed his shoe. He woke up in fright. In the mid of the night. To learn that his dream has come true!Limar's Limerick
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Flo
What do you call a star wars droid who takes the long way home?
R 2 detour.
MacKenzie
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Tank.
Tank who?
You're welcome!
Kitt
What do you get if you pour very warm water down a rabbit hole?
Hot Cross Bunnies
Lachie
How does the Easter Bunny keep fit?
Eggs-ercise
Tilly
Where can you find the most information about eggs?
In the hencyclopedia.
Ethan
Why did the chicken go up the stairs?
She was already across the street.
Archie
What did the triangle say to the circle?
You're pointless.
Jess
What goes black. white. black, white, black-white-black-white?
A panda rolling down a hill!
Cody
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks!
Lisbeth
Knock, Knock.
Who's There?
Woo. Woo who?
Don't get so excited, it's just a joke
Elliot
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the otherside.
Well, why did the chewing gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken's foot!
Anony Mous 🙂
What vegtables should you never bring on the boat?
Leeks!
Paul
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cows.
Cows who?
Cows go moo not who!
Daisy
Why did the pony get sent to his room?
He wouldn't stop horsing around.
Dene
Why do bikes fall over?
Because they're TWO-TYRED (tired)
Jed
Why wasn't Cinderella any good at football?
She always ran away from the ball
Tarquin
Why couldn't Cinderalla join a tap dance class?
She kept kicking off her shoe
Loretta
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you!
Brooke
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A WALK!
Greysona
What did the happy rabbit say to the sad rabbit?
Don't worry. Be HOPPY!
Olivia
What do trees and dogs have in common?
Bark.
What type of feet do bears have?
Bear feet!
Hamish and Cameron
What do you call a dog with a fever?
A hot... dog
Martin
Why couldn't the animal talk?
Because he was a little horse!
Bianca
Which animal is the shyest?
The one that feels the sheepiest
Monica
Why can you never play a trick on a snake?
Because you can't pull its leg.
Tom
What's below a pigs knees?
Its oinkels!
Rebecca
Where do cats go on a school trip? The MIAOW-seumTyrone
Knock Knock. Who's there? Wooden. Wooden who? Wooden you like to know!William
Knock Knock. Who's there? Ya. Ya Who? Hey, what are you so happy about?Amanda
What type of feet do bears have? Bear feet (bare feet)Sanjay
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A head-bangerTania
What kind of fight do sumo wrestles have under the sea?
A water fight
Chris
Why was the doctor so angry?
Because he didn't have any patients (patience)
Pranjal
Who says' Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh at Christmas time?
Santa! Walking backwards.
Christina
Where does Santa find his reindeer?
It depends where he leaves them!
Nakita
What kind of music does Santa's elves like?
Wrap music
Carlton and Ralph
How do you know Santa Claus is good at karate?
He has a black belt!
Venetia
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Hannah.
Hannah who?
(singing) Hannah partridge in a pear tree
Leeze
Who delivers Christmas presents to elephants?
Ele-phanta Claus
Jazz
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ahhh... Wayne.
Ahhh? Wayne who?
(singing)Ahhh? WAYNE in a Manger... no-o crib for a bed...
Aroha
How many presents can Santa fit in an empty sack?
Only one ? after that it's not empty any more!
Jemma
How do elves get to the top floor of Santa's workshop? The use the ELFatorCarter
What's the best Christmas present of all? A broken drum. Because you just can't BEAT... a broken drum.Tipene
What do you call Santa's Cat at the Beach?
SANDY claws!
Emile
What can you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinselitus
Ollie
What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has no ?L'... (singing) No-el, no-o-el?no-o el, no-el?
Jess
What song do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells
Rhaya
What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
Santa-pplause!
Alex
What's a spider's favourite day?
FLY-day
Oscar
Why do monkeys carry bananas?
Because bananas can't walk.
Lauren
What's the fastest food in the world?
Scone
Hannah
Why did the boy go fishing on the moon?
He wanted to catch starfish!
Lily
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Ya, Ya Who?
What are you so happy about?
Amanda
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Radio.
Radio who?
Radio-not, here I come!
Blake
What do you call a wolf lying in the sun?
A Hotdog!
Savannah
There was this boy who told his sister he was making a car out of spaghetti. She didn't believe him... but you should have seen her face when he drove PASTA (past her)Kingston
What's a ghost's favourite desert?
I scream and boo berry pie
Prianka
Waiter, waiter there's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Don't worry sir that spider on your toast will soon get rid of it!
Gabrielle
How do you tickle a skeleton?
Tickle its funny bone.
Clare
Why didn't the skeleton jump off the cliff?
Because he did not have the guts to do it!
Marco
Why didn't the ghost see a horror movie?
He didn't have the guts!
Sue and Mary
What did the ghost have for supper?
Spooketti
Ruth
Doctor, Doctor there's a ghost in the waiting room.
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him!
Sue and Mary
What did the boy skeleton say to the girl skeleton?
?I love every bone in your body!?
Steve
Who is the best dancer at a ghost's party?
The boogie man!
Maxine and Millie
Why were all the bones chasing each other?
Because the skull wanted to get ahead!
Nathan
What do birds say on Halloween?
Trick or TWEET!
Selina
What's a ghost's favourite food?
I SCREAM!
Aggie
Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
Because he had BAT breath
Cheyenne
What do you call a fairy that hasn't had a bath for a week?
Stinker bell!
Seb
When should you buy a bird?
When they're going cheep! (Cheap!)
Olive
What do turtles do on their birthday?
They SHELL-abrate!
Alex
Why does it take a pirate so long to learn the alphabet?
Because he'd rather just stay at C! (Sea!)
Trevor
What is white and sits in a corner?
A naughty fridge.
What is big, red and sits in a corner?
A naughty bus!
Ryan
How do BEES get to school?
On the school BUZZ!
Harley
What do you call a wasp?
A wanna-bee!
Peggy
Why does everyone love kiwis
They're cute and small and fuzzy!
Maneer
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Arch
Arch who?
Bless you
Vinnie
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Ip
Ip who?
(Ipoo!)
Xanthie
What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
Are you ok? You're looking a little flushed!
Willim and Ali
What's the best thing to put in a pie?
Your teeth
Danielle
What type of feet do bears have?
Bear feet
Sanja
What two letters of the alphabet can keep you from doing your homework?
T.V.
Danielson
What do you get when an elephant sits on your friend?
A flat mate.
Rinnay
Why did Mr lettuce blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing and Mr Green pea, over the fence.
Laura
What kind of music scares balloons?
POP music!
Awhina
When does a hippopotamus go ?mooooo??
When it is learning a new language!
Becca
What time is it when a hippo sits on your bed?
Time to get a new bed!
Anahera
Why did the kid throw the butter out the window?
She wanted to see the butter-fly!
Milly
Did you hear about the kid who went into the supermarket and asked for helicopter chips?
They didn't have any ? so he had to have PLAIN (plane) ones
Eli
How do you start an insect race?
One. Two FLEA. Go!
Evie
What does a bird have for breakfast?
Tweet bix
Sheldon
Where do cows go on Friday nights?
The Mooooovies
Trinity
If a seagull flies over the sea what flies over a bay?
A bagel.
Dimitri
When is an apple not an apple?'
When it's a PINE-apple
Jaala
What's a dog's favourite pizza?
PUP-eroni!
Jed
What type of feet do bears have?
Bear feet
Sanja
How does a Lemon ask for a hug?
Give us a squeeze!
Zoe
What happened when nana gave the grape a big squeeze It let out a little wine ? ohhhhhhh!Marcus
What car does Yoda drive?
A Toy-yoda! (Toyota)
W
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Rose
Did you hear about the racing snail who got rid of his shell?
He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him... sluggish!
Jamal
How much do pirates charge for piercing an ear?
A buccaneer! (A buck an ear!)
Claude
If you want to drive a locomotive what do you need to do...?
Lots and lots of TRAIN-ING
Trevor
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Scold.
Scold who?
Scold outside, let me in!
Maia
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrelephant. Elephant ? Irrelevant ? Irrelephant!
Enzo
On the first day back from holidays why did the teacher have to wear sunglasses?
Because her class was so bright!
Why was the teacher cross-eyed?
Because he couldn't control his pupils!
Dex
What's the difference between a tuna fish and a piano?
You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna!
Annon
Elephants sleep standing up. And can't really drink from a cup. They like to have baths. But are no good at maths. And eat from sun down to sun up.Ana and Kaia's Limerick
What do you call a rainbow with no colours?
A PLAIN-bow!
Jaz
Why did the cow go in the spaceship?
He wanted to go to the mooooon
Bennie
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese
Aggie
What do you get when you put a cow on a trampoline?
A milkshake
Millie
What's a spider's favourite day?
FLY-day
Oscar
What's Beethoven's favourite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaa! Ba-na-na-naa! Ba-na-na-na-ba-na-na-na-ba-na-na-naaa!
Holly
What did one volcano say to the other volcano?
I LAVA you.
Nik
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Waa-waa.
Waa-waa-who?
You don't need to cry about it. It's only a joke!
Daisy
How do bees get to school?
They take the school BUZZ! (bus)
Marlon
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Car go toot-toot. Brrmm-brrmm.
Danielle
What kind of key opens a banana?
A mon-key!
Sophie
Did you hear about the frog who was raised by bunnies?
Other frogs say ribbit, ribbit ? he can only say ?Rabbit, Rabbit?
Cora
What do you call a place where the animals practice martial arts?
A Jui jit-zoo (Juijitsu)
Zoe
What do you call a bee that can't make up his mind?
A may-beee.
Toby
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Water Water who?
Water you waiting for reduce, reuse and recycle!
Shaun
What is the best advice to give to worm?
Sleep late! The early bird always catches the worm
Viv and Bianca
What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
Hey sweetheart, I love you a ton!
Emma and Daniel
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Candice.
Candice who?
Can-diss door open, or am I stuck outside?
Tanika
Did you hear about the guy stealing vegetables? It's okay. The police caught him. They got him when he stopped to take a leek!Ramon
What do winnie the Pooh and Bob the Builder have in common?
The same middle name!
Nate
On which day of the week does Tigger eat the most?
Chewsday
Olive
What is a cat's favourite exercise?
Puss-ups!
Arie
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No they don't, cows-go moo.
Charlie
What happened to the frog's car when he parked somewhere he shouldn't?
The Frog's car got toad
Annalise
What happens if you tell a duck a joke?
They quack up.
Petra
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Icy
Icy who?
Icy you! (I see you!)
Unknown
Why are frogs so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them!
Trevor
Did you hear about the frog with a broken leg?
No! how was he? Oh, poor wee frog, he was very un-hoppy
Sarah
When it's time to go swimming, how deep can a frog go?
Knee-deep Knee-deep
Ralph
Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasn't ?chicken?!
Laurene
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Cos another chicken was ?egging? him on
Massey
What room doesn't have any doors?
A mushroom!
Karl
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back!
Matthew
What should you do if someone stamps their foot?
Put an envelope on the floor so they can stamp that
Ebony
One tomato was walking through a field when all of a sudden she saw another tomato. She asked the tomato ?Have you seen the rainbow?. The other tomato said ?What??? A talking tomato, arrrrggghhh!?Nur
What did the buffalo say when his son left?
Bison! Get it Bye Son.
Marshall
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
Ethan
Where do mice park their boats?
At the hickory dickory dock.
Roshan
Why do dragons sleep during the day?
So they can fight knights!
Madison
What is green and has yellow wheels?
Grass... I lied about the wheels!
Travis
Why did grandad say to run around the bed after so many late nights.
So the grandchild could catch up with her sleep
Shanalise
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
Pierre
What's Beethoven's favourite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naa. Ba-ba-na-na-naaa.
Paul
What kind of key opens a banana?
A Mon-KEY!
Hollie
Why couldn't the pony sing?
Because he was a little hoarse. (horse)
Beau
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear!
Lola
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their butt-quacks!
Ezra
What side of a chicken has the most feathers?
The outside!
Natasha
What pen is better to write with?
Neither, you're better of writing with a pen or a pencil
Sophie
What do you call a horse that lives nextdoor?
Your neigh-bour!
Roman
What's brown and sticky?
A stick!!
Lara
Why is a police officer the strongest person in the world?
Because he can hold up a 10 ton truck with one hand
Bryan & Bobby
Where do you weigh a whale?
In a whale weigh station.
Pablo
What rides at the amusement park do ghosts like best?
The rollerghoster
Briar
What do you get when you cross a unicycle with a cob of corn?
A unicorn
Cora
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur and a lemon?
A dino-sour
William
What's a Pirates' favorite letter?
C (Sea)
Samuel
Where do you go to brush your teeth?
Invergargle!
Sophie
Why isnt the Cook Strait bumpy?
Because it's Cook STRAIT.
Joshua
What is a bunny's favourite dance?
Hip hop
Isabella
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
You're under a vest. Freeze!
Leonie Ruben
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she'll Let It Go.
Arnia de Winter
What did the hill say when it saw the lovely view?
Lookout!
Oscar
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A WALK!!!
Damian
What did the cat say to the other cat?
You look the same as me, ow
Cam
What do you call a computer on Mount Everest?
High tech
Zach
Why was 6 afraid of 7.
Because 789!
Molly
What do you get when you cross a Vampire and a teacher?
Lots of blood tests.
Elizabeth
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye matey! (I'm 80!)
Vania
Why couldn't Cinderella play football?
Because she always runs away from the BALL.
Mason
What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
FOWL weather!
Nikau
What did the chicken do when the traffic lights turned green?
EGGS-celerated!
Nikau
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because she had the drumsticks!
Phil
When as awake not awake?
When it’s asleep
Alex
What did the broccoli plant say to the cauliflower plant.
Arrrrggggghhhh a ghost!
Julia
Where does a fish keep its money?
In an octo-PURSE!
Declan
Why did the snake cross the road?
To get to the other ss-ssss-ssss-ssssssside!
Claire
Did you hear about the young pilot who flew through a rainbow during his pilot’s exam?
He passed with flying colours.
Jade
What is black and white, black and white, black and white
A zebra crossing a zebra crossing!
Sharaya
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it!
Trainor
How can you tell you have an elephant hiding in your fridge?
The vegetables are all gone and there are footprints in the butter.
Felix
What do you call an elephant with a carrot in each ear
Anything – he can’t hear you!
Elliot
Why did the mummy ant only give its baby tiny kisses.
Coz the mummy ant only had little lips!
Jazz
My dad is so good at sleeping... he can do it with his eyes closed!Anna
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Sir
Sir who?
Sir prize! (Surprise!)
Anon
What is the Easter bunny's favourite saying?
Don’t worry. Be HOPPY!
Chas
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Heidi.
Heidi who?
Heidi Easter Eggs around the house!
Ella
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a frog?
You get a bunny RIBBET!
Toby
What do you call a transformer bunny?
HOP-tamus Prime!
Caitlyn
What did the Lego man say to the Lego dinosaur?
Lego my foot
Arthur
What is a sheep's favourite treat?
A chocolate baaaaaaa
Henrietta
What is smarter than a talking bat?
A Spelling Bee
Freya
How do you catch a squirrel?
You climb a tree and act like a nut.
Vale
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
He wasn’t ‘peeling’ well!
Clara
Why don't worms like slaters?
The slaters are bugs and they kept bugging the worms
Felix
Why are grandad's teeth just like stars?
They come out at night!
Marie
What do you call a grizzly bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear
Taylor
Two muffins are baking in an oven, one of them looks at the other and says "Whew it’s hot in here"
the other muffin looks back and says "Ahhhhh a talking muffin!"
Emmet
Where do DOGS park their TRUCKS?
In the BARKING lot!
Melody
Where does a tugboat go when it’s sick?
To the DOCK-tor.
Vishali
Where did the cats go on their school trip?
The miaow-seum
Jack
Why do walrus' swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Taine
Where do horses go when they’re sick?
The horse-pital!
Manaia
How do you fit more pigs on your farm?
Build a STY-scraper!
Will
What happened when the world tongue-twister champion got arrested?
He got a tough sentence.
Isla
What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
A walkie talkie!
Wes
Why did the jellybeans go to school?
They wanted to be smarties
Elliot
Did you hear about the boy who had the most amazing dream about eating a giant marshmallow. It was such a good dream – it was like he really was eating a marshmellow. And when he woke up…. His pillow was gone.Jonelle
What do you give to a sick lemon?
Lemon-aid!
Freya
What has two wings but can't fly?
A rugby game!
Patrick
What do sheep sing for birthdays?
Happy birthday to Ewe!
Trevor
What did the lamb want to be when she grew up?
A baa-lerina.
Meila
What do you get when you cross a cow with Aotearoa?
Moo ZEALAND
Chardonnay
What does a goat like to eat on his toast?
Maaaaaamite!
Hamish
What does a turtle do on its birthday?
It SHELL-abrates!
Theo
Where do farmers send their children?
Kinder-GARDEN
Liana
What do cats like to eat?
MICE-cream!
Charlotte
What did the square say to the circle?
Haven't I seen you aROUND
Matty
What did one cap say to the other cap?
You stay here…and I’ll go on a-HEAD! Get it? A head?
Terrance
What do you call a pile of cats?
A MEOWntain!
Alex
Why did the snake cross the road?
To get to the other ssssside!
Atarangi
Why did the star go to school?
He wanted to get BRIGHTER!
Lucas
What do you call a dinosaur fart?
A blast from the past!
Corey
What is a spaceman's favourite food?
A Mars bar!
Marshall
What did the wolf do after he went for a run?
He huffed and he puffed!
Trinity
Why was the number 7 afraid?
Because, 7 8 9!
Bella
Why couldn't the frog find where he parked his car?
He’d been toad!
Ryan
Did you hear about the dad that only new 25 letters in the alphabet?
He didn't know y! (Why)
Matty
Daughter: Dad, I'm hungry
Dad: Hello hungry, I'm Dad!
Brenna
Why did the pony get sent to his room?
He wouldn't stop horsing around!
Rebecca
What do you call a cat that eats lemons?
A SOUR puss!
Jerry
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Sky Tower?
Oh yes it can! The Sky Tower can't jump!
Chad
What do you call a snake on a building site?
A Boa ConSTRUCTor!
Aria
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom!
Violet
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens hadn't evolved yet!
Aurora
What gives you the power to walk through a wall?
A door!!
Millie
Funny fact:
A recent Scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number!
Asher
Waiter, this coffee tastes like soil!
Yes, madam, that's because it was GROUND this morning’.
PorterW